They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
just tell him i said nine months
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
You're earring is so big in my mouth
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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