Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
