I think I am morally bankrupt
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Randomize
