she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
