I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
