Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I'm passing your future prison.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
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