Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Less talking, more tequila
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
