It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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