who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
