I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
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