how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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