If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
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