She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Send help, water and tortillas.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
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