Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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