You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
BRING THE BAGELS
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
