shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
