look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
