Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
it's like heaven, but drunker
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
