You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
