the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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