I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
