So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize