the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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