Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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