help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
