so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
