Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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