Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
