STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
