He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
