He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
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