I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I'm both gender and math confused
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