i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
whose parrot is this?
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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