you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
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