If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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