Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
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