i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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