You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
You ruined the universe
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
