Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
