I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
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