I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
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I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
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He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
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