oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
