So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
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