I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
