yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
