I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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