after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
