I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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