my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
