did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Randomize
