if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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