so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
