This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
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6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
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Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
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