I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
