yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
