Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
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