Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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