HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
