my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
