he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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