Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
And then the night went full on bisexual.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
