So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
