my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
