I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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