I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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