Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
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