im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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