kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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