Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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