I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
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