I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
