I hope mine doesn't look like that
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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